I am my own uniqueness. I control my destiny.

Big Girls Don't Cry - Fergie

To the unreasonable girl,
who is ever so resilient.

Disclaimer: This is a politically-inclined essay and these are the views of my own personal opinions. Please do not attempt to read it if you have any vile objections to the content of my writing as I don’t want to draw any flak. Comments are welcomed though. Thank you.

Have you ever thought of freedom? What does it mean to be a "free" Singaporean and living in this modern and so-called democratic cosmopolitan city, while at the same time, many other nations mock our citizens as "coward little twits" and being unable to stand up against a nanny-driven state government.

Why do we have to follow countless rules and regulations while living the Singapore dream? Is it really better for us or perhaps detrimental to the progress and evolution of our society? Just to let you know, I’m not talking about the unconditional freedom of human rights, but something more complex and debatable, like media freedom, transparency and even pornography and chewing gum. We’ll go in-depth with this along the way.

Since the independence of our island state, rules after rules were thrown at us whether we wanted it or not. We didn't really have much to say, why? Our country was just an island, rampant, out of control and there was no line drawn between what was right and wrong.

It was left with the ambitions of one famous man, LKY and his government to eradicate the vices of this country, and allowing it prosper into one of the world's most successful stories.

Let's take rights and freedom into two points of consideration; individual and communal.

A person is bestowed unlimited freedom. He or she is entitled to do whatever he or she wants. That's individual freedom. It would be just so perfect to live in a society where everyone enjoys his and her own rights. But, then again, that's a perfect world, isn't it? I don't think we are living in a perfect world.

People aren't perfect. There would be people who will use their rights for purposes beneficial to them and perhaps towards the society too, but, it's a fact that there will always be a handful that will never see eye to eye with anything.

Take smoking for example. A decade ago, when Singapore started banning smoking everywhere, from shopping malls to lavatories and hell, even taxi queues, everyone in the world was going "what the hell is wrong with these bunch of looneys?"

You see, smoking is a personal right, but here is this ONE GOLDEN QUESTION I would like to pose to my readers. Have you ever thought that being equipped with your so-called rights and freedom, there should be this question of RESPONSIBILITY? You get the jist now do you? You finally understand the whole load of crap that I just threw up the last few paragraphs.

You see, Singapore is a unique nation that has progressed tremendously in within forty years. We are the best in this and that, we have one of the highest GDPs and we are the cleanest country and whatsorts, but the people, ahhh, the people are still slowly adapting. After all, our country soared from third to first in within three generations! How fast can our people really swallow the whole evolution process? There are still people out there struggling with the internet for god's sake.

So, back to the point of responsibility. We are given our rights, but how much thought will we give to be responsible enough to know our limits. Take the taxi queue for example, you are smoking, that is your right, but have you thought of the people around you. Even though the smoke that lingers around is passive, people still breathe them in and in turn, they are affected by it! It feels great to be free and irritate others right? NO!

The fact that the government has so many stringent rules in place is to educate us on the morality, ethics and responsibilities of the various rights. As I've said, we're a young nation. As we all grown and learn, be better educated.

The government isn't being a party-pooper by throwing away what we are entitled to, but they are taking into considerations of our still highly conservative second and partially conservative third generation. It takes time for people to progress and if too much is given, an overload would take place and there would be disintegration within our society, leading to a collapse of our functionability.

One more example, the gay rights movement. Gays in Singapore are flummoxed over the government's slow reaction to addressing this problem of rights. It's not that they don't want to, after all, yes it's a dirty little secret, the pink dollar is very important, and the majority of Singaporeans still cannot accept them. The government needs to listen to its own people and not how forward homosexuality has progressed in other countries, it's none of their business. In fact, most gay Singaporeans are satisfied with the progress that the government has made with this issue so far and many more gays are moving out from more repressive areas and into gay-friendly Singapore. It's just a matter of time and a few more nudges from this small community before they widely received with open arms.

So, basically, as long as the majority of the people are open enough in the future, perhaps there wouldn't even need to be any need of silly laws at the end of day and the majority of the fourth generation that are being enveloped in western culture will rejoice.

On a lighter note, I see it as a precaution and a safety label to us all. After all, we still get our basic freedom in human rights. I don't see anyone complaining so far.

On my personal note, the fact is that the affairs of both national and international communities are going to the dogs nowadays, I don't trust a society that where total freedom is practice anyways, things would just get worse. I still get freaked out with the fact that guns are out of control in the States and where thousands of people die each day not because of shootouts, but just for the misfiring of a gun.

Now, let's take this from a different angle. Look at Asia. It's booming time for this entire continent. Everywhere we go, we see constant modernization and this has benefited the people of Asia very well. But, look at the flip-side of this coin and you see all the problems that also start to weed out into this beautiful garden.

Corruption. It's one of the major vices of this world. People just can't trust anyone now. I'm an Indonesian-Chinese and I've lived long enough in Indonesia to see the potential of this country to evolve into the likes of the USA and China, yet, amazingly, it's still left behind in the Asian Crusade to progress after decades and more decades.

Everyone says Indonesians are lazy and are deemed incompetent to run their country, but have you visited this country? Have you seen her people? Their passion and patriotic spirit to their country. Ironically, this is one thing that sadly, Singapore lags behind in. If we could just have one tenth of their mighty potion, HOHO!, you figure out the rest of the equation.

Now, to the point, the country suffers a rampant plaque of corruption. Even as it is publicly denied, it can just be seen everywhere. How would I know? I've seen it. That's how. This corruption factor is a detriment to the progress of this nation. If there were only people who were passionate and patriotic enough to lead their country for their people and not for their pockets, Indonesia would really be a different country today.

So, let's apply this into Singapore. It's a free and economically transparent country. Why? Because, there are stringent rules and regulations enacted to protect and secure the foundations of this country. You see, these rules aren't bad ones. They don't restrict competition nor do they prohibit this and that, in fact, they are healthy rules to foster more cohesiveness between the business and economic communities.

The government never interferes with you, unless you do something grave, like going bankrupt or you engage in fraudulent activities, such as well, embezzlement !(one of the most common cases we have here to date)

The fact that such rules are implemented, more businesses from around the globe would just flock into this island state and this is just awfully good news for us isn't it? See? What's wrong with having rules and regulations when they are implemented in the right way?

So, in a nutshell. Rights and freedom are carved by the people for the people. They themselves are a form of law that is intertwined by rules and regulations as well. My point in this essay is that:

1. Every person is entitled to their own freedom; it’s only the matter of responsibility. Excluding basic human rights, freedom should be earned and not be entitled, lest it be taken for granted.

2. Every society in the world has the right to implement their own declarations as long as they are doing it for the benefit of the people. Isn't this how society should work after all?

I've come to the end of this tad too long essay. It may have been a load bull of crap to some of you guys but I sincerely do welcome any feedbacks! No shit craps ok? You can keep them to youselves. Anyways, thank you so much for reading, that is if you've come this far!

Alright, since this entry was practically engulfed by my thoughts above (this blog works like my pensieve you know!), I’ll keep this entry short and simple.

My fever subsided this afternoon, but my body aches are still prevalent. It’s my third day on mc from work and I really miss my colleagues. I’m pretty sure I’ll be back for work this Friday! Yippee!

No swimming today too, it’s such a bummer because the sun was out! Gahh! I managed to go to school this evening. The Business & Accountancy Society has won the Best Society Award for the third year running now and we’re all so proud of ourselves. The trophy’s so much more glitzy this year too.

It was so glad to catch up with my friends and colleagues from Society. It’s been ages since I’ve had a good laugh. Everything is so free and easy. I miss all of them madly! Oh, it’s random but I like Indah’s new hair-do! It’s classy!

The ceremony was beautifully executed with NRA and the Barracudas performing. I bumped into many familiar faces including Louis the Fish! He received the half-colors for bowling and the National Achievement Award as a member of the NP Bowling Team. Congratulations!

The stage effects were also jaw-dropping. If only we could steal all the props for bAoc. That would be a blast!

Anyways, this year, the school went all out for the magnificent feast for its recipients and guests. There were countless rows of buffet tables and various stalls of satay, la mien and even sushi!

It was a grand affair, I have to say.

After that, it was island creamery to celebrate our success and after a picture taken to commemorate the event, it’s HOME!

Well, it’s very late now; I’m going off to bed!
Everyone, It’s the middle of the week tomorrow,
Just two more days to Friday!

;)

-------------------------

Go The Distance - Hercules

This movie, this song. A story of true courage, chivalry and above all, selflessnes (sacrifice).

The essence of the Hercules story just doesn't teach us to be a braver and tougher person in life, but also to believe in oneself and never look back in life.

Always look forward, don't give up no matter how many times you fall. You'll definitely get your feet back up and just walk again.

Did you know? The song, Go the Distance was nominated for the Academy Award for Best Original Song as well as the Golden Globe Award for Best Original Song, but lost both to Titanic's "My Heart Will Go On.

The weekend's finally over! Haha, i feel so accomplished NOT do anything productive and being holed up at home the past three days, reading, watching tv, and loads of whatnots just to pass the time. I'm joking about not doing anything productive but I'm serious feeling accomplished in someways.

I took the opportunity to do alot of knowledge-harvesting. I've been glued to Nat Geog and Discovery instead of E! I've been pouring over history and philosophical books. To think, or not to think, that is the question! Lol.

I've been having recurrent fever, bodyaches and other whatever-itis, btw. There are times when I feel perfectly normal and the next minute, I would be curling up in bed and feeling 150 yo. OMG! It's like the worst experience anyone can ever have -.-

NP's having a Relay Duathlon in this coming month and I'm like so tempted to join. It's like in two weeks time and I'm like still in tterrible state now -.- I'll see how, I'll probably join for the fun of it! Loads of freebies anyways! Muahahaha. OK, that's reaaly not the point k!

Monday's coming and I still see myself being holed up in bed. I really hope I'll be well by week's end.

My parents will be back by week's end. Yippee!

Finally, I would like to thank all the outpouring affections of "get well soon" and "take care" from my friends and all while I journey on my road to recovery! Hope to see you all soon.

Have a great week ahead!
GOOD NIGHT!!

-------------------------

Once Upon A Dream - Sleeping Beauty

One of my favourite classic Disney movies and this song is just pure magic. The innocence of this song just signifies the purity of love. This is dedicated to all the people united by love.

I know you,
I walked with you,
Once Upon A Dream...

Thursday was another chilly day. Urgh, man! The weather just sucks lately and I just can't seem to leave my bed as well. Too cozy.

Well, swimming at 9 that morning. The water was exceptionally cold and even after a few laps, I just couldn't seem to warm up. Crap. I was an icicle at the end of the training.

I had omelette and milo for tea and after that went home for lunch. I had Katong Laksa, like only my favourite food in Singapore. Hahaha.

After lunch, I found myself tired and I just didn't seem right, so I took a nap and when I woke up much later in the evening, I realized that I had come down with a fever. My body was aching terribly and I felt like as if Death was coming to claim my soul.

It just seems that I can no longer take the insurmountable mental and physical stress that ironically, I've placed upon myself. I'm struggling so hard. It just doesn't make any sense anymore.

I managed to go out for a while and have a superb dinner at NYDC in Holland V. The fresh air was so welcoming, but I still felt terrible in within myself.

Home again, still felt like Death, but at least my warm cozy bed welcomed me.

This friday afternoon, when I woke up, I felt even worse. I thought perhaps, a good night's sleep would have cured me of my discomfort.

I decided to go to Thomson Plaza to see my doctor and I was told my fever was 39.2 degrees celcius. I was like, WTF, that high !?! After fussing over me for a while, I ended being put on a dozen over sorts of mediciation and it just made me feel more miserable. The medical treatment costed $84. You can imagine the severity of my condition. T-T

Anyways, my doctor scared me a little because she said that I had shown several symptoms of dengue, so I had to isolate myself for the next few days and check for rashes and all. Sobs.

I've just reached home now. I think I'm just going back to sleep. Hopefully, I'll feel a tad better when I wake up. Now, its urghh, medicine time. Save Me!!

GARRGHHH!!!

You're my strength,
when darknss ensues.

-------------------------

(They Long To Be) Close To You - The Carpenters

Listen to this song. Just listen. There are no words to describe it, just warmth.

Why do stars fall down from the sky ev’ry time you walk by?
Just like me, they long to be close to you.

I dreamt this morning. Everything was so surreal. I could actually puppet myself and the details were just unsurprisingly real. The colours so vivid and the characters so vibrant. It's probably the first time in my life that I could remember every single detail in that one particular setting.

I was a passenger in a car. A blue Land Rover to be exact. There were red fluffy dice balls hanging in the car. As we cruised along a canyon, an oncoming school bus or was it truck rammed into us and we swerved down into the deep pits below.

It wasn't fatal. We crashed into an odd looking house. I stepped out of the car and realized my driver was never there. I explored the structure and realized that it was a Chinese temple. There were faded photos of faces everywhere. I was in a cemetery.

Uncomfortable, I walked out of the cemetery to find myself in the woods. There was a clearing and as I came nearer, my blurred vision suddenly turned HD. I saw the wreck of an old pirate ship. It's mast collapsed into its stern. A dead whale strewn across the vast clearing and a boy, a shadow perhaps sitting on a nearby cliff with a hat on, fishing into nothingness.

As I observed my surroundings, I realized that this canyon was once a lake. It dried up milleniums ago and flora and fauna soon flourished in this beautiful setting.

The boy stood up and beckoned me to follow him, but, alas.... a phone call woke me up. I looked at my clock. 3:28pm.

I woke up to a cool and cloudy day. I couldn't understand why I was tired. It must have been due to my hectic schedule this past week. I decided not to swim today. There wasn't any class today anyways.

I walked to my balcony. I breathed in the fresh air. It's been a long time since I did that. Just marveling the wonders of our lives. Taking a breather, let time stop.

=)

I had my haircut today. After so many years, my fringe is now gone. Hahahaha. Oh well, what's done is done. No point complaining, I'll just try to love it.

Island creamery with the gang and Serene and Levin were drawing -.- We had a mud pie and I had cookies & cream and there we took another group photo. Third time we did that as a group. More to come!

Cine again after Ice-cream and we had Long John Silvers. I met Ning Zhen and Sabrina there. It was great catching up again. They were complaining how ugly I was being black and I looked better as a fair princess. AND, oh, Ning Zhen grew shorter. HAHAHA!

Decided to go home but at the eleventh hour, Gary and Anavil had no plans. We watched Simpsons in the end! OMG! It was a SUPER GREAT MOVIE! Even my two companions who never watched a series of the Simpsons were laughing with stitches. Ultimately is was an astounding cartoon comedy, environmentally and politically satirical.

Home now and I felt cheered up anyhow. Looked up at the stars just now. The skies so beautiful. Has anyone really stopped to marvel at them before? Have you?

It's a mug of milo and i'm off to bed. It's swimming again tomorrow and I'll be up fresh and happy.

Good night world. I love you all. AND, oh yes, it's five months to christmas. WHEE!

I'll stop now then.
We'll meet when we meet.
Promise?
=)

-------------------------

Just Like A Pill - Pink

Run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears

I'm just ranting, beat it if you have itchy fingers.

Just thrashing about! That's what my heart is doing. The sudden bursts of remorse and the hidden pain. My calls and pleas are left unanswered. The silence, just eats into my flesh. Perhaps, I've truly failed. I'm probably almost done trying. Everyone says, "just let go, its OVER."

Amidst the confusion, the struggle, I see a new light. It's been the only warmth I've been seeing these days. It's the only strength that I can draw upon, will it lift me out of the shadows? HOPE.

But, I'm still not sure. I can't lie. I just need a sign now. Show me the way, or has everyone decided to abandon me, THE ANTAGONIST.

Going out alone these few days have been such a pleasue. I feel a sense of inner-peace, be it wandering around malls, or simply just sipping a mug of milo with a book in tow. I feel ease and comfort. There's no one, nobody. Just me. But, how ironic, I feel so pitiful. My laughter's gone. I'm souless.

I learnt alot today. I had hoped my friends had the chance to have see it. It set me thinking, propelling me towards a more positive direction. No regrets.

Sigh, it's late now. I'm going to bed. My body needs rest, but before I go...

QUOTE, Serene:

I'm really missing those times with my honeybunch.
(:
be it;

island creamery the reverso, everyone's birthday cake,
crazy car rides that got us so freaking scared,
sinful food that made us all go on diet,
bumming in town that's all so attention seeking,
movies that were forever at cineleisure, not anywhere else,
e2max that got us screaming together while the ghost's only about to appear,
tennis that got us so excited about BALLS,
clubbing that there's always so much fun,
quarrels that we all don't know what to do next,
one-to-one talks that got us all even closer,
consoling sessions that made us all feel so much better and loved,
chalets that had ENDLESS fun,
ghost-stories telling that got us all scary cats under our blankets,
strumming the guitar & singing along that felt so warmly,
sleep-overs & wii that got us all so energetic,
wake-boarding that made us so much braver,
settlers' cafe that got us so cranky and dumb at the same time,
k-box that we sang out hearts out,
cheesecake cafe that's forever so comfortable.
crashing polytechnics that allowed us to pay little to eat more,
arab street that made us feel so close together on the cushions, sheesa-ing,
mahjong that made us all go "pong! pong! pong!",
swensens that the whole restaurant could hear us CLEARLY,
birthday celebrations that's all so memorable,
miss clarity's cafe that has GREAT and affordable food,
uniform outing that allows us to reminicse the ol' school days,
ben & jerry's and "subtle" that made us feel so proud,
band & dance concerts that got us so arty,
sentosa with the dogs that made us love julius even more,
night safari that we met the noctourals just like us all, and feast on the VERmonster,
pulau ubin toilet paper game that the three cancerians became mummies,
barbecues that made us even fatter,
playground at pasir ris park that made us feel young again,
cam-whoring sessions that captured every single moment down,
EVERYTHING.

it's been a really long journey,
we've come this far.
<3

She said it all. It's been a long journey and at the end of they day, its all worth it. It's only these people whom I can truly trust. They're such wonderful people you know. Even if we weren't close enough to certain people, no matter the disagreements, no matter the troubles, we still managed to stick together as a clique.

I swear, if anyone dares utter a word of rubbish with regards to my fellow honeybuns', I'll be so sorry for your pitiful souls. Don't when you don't and mistakes are made and we learn from them, give us the chance. Stop the incessant unecessaries and make the world a better place =)

To err is human,
to forgive divine.

All for one and one for all.

Walk Away - Paula Deanda

It's Tuesday!

Woke up early for swim training. I didn't bathe this morning, haha, just to catch an extra few winks of sleep. I think I stank quite horribly. My hair resembled a peacock. It was all fanned out. Haha. And then I trudged out of my house and the bloody cold wind welcomed me.

It was so damn cold lar! When I reached the pool, I swore the temperature there was below freezing. The pool? DON'T ASK! I nearly yelped out even before I could submerge myself half my feet into the water. @%#$!

Anyway, coach uttered "endurance" when we started and it was torture, I tell you. No one likes endurance training. We just like to do sets. It's so much easier. I think I almost died.

By lunch time, the weather started to clear up and the sun was coming out. I decided to stay behind after class and had lunch and then swim somemore. I didn't know why, it was just a great day to be at the pool when I saw the lovely sun pop out of the clouds.

Oh, I'm going to attempt the National Swimming Survival Award (Gold) Swimming in Pyjamas! Woot! Haha. It's about time I achieved that Gold. Wish me luck!

Ning Zhen called all of a sudden while I was having a toilet break. She was damn hilarious, grumbling about someone she was having trouble with. I just couldn't help chuckling. I just missed her voice. Haha. I can never forget her MISTERWINSTONLIMKOONHAN! hahahaha.

3pm and I was done. I headed down to Island Creamery to get myself a pint of cookies and cream and it was home.

Oh, did i tell you? I finished Harry Potter! Yippee! The last chapter was like huh, 19 years later -.- It really is the end. I thought Rowling was going to surpise us with a BOOK 8 but urrgh, that's all folks. EOS. I'm probably going to re-read the last three chapters again cause I think I missed a few crucial parts that didn't really piece up.

Anyways, I've been muttering, CRUCIO, EXPELLIARMUS & every other single incantation that I could still remember. I have to say that the movie adaptation of this book is going to rock shit! Countless fighting seen. YIPPEE!!

My fascination with HP has gotten so intense that I think I'm just going to get myself a wizard robe and a twig as a wand double and swoop around the house with my vacum cleaner (i like modern technology, nuff said!)

Oh yes, I forgot to mention, till now, I didnt't go Jakrta in the end. My mom's too busy to entertain me, haha. I understand, cause she has loads to do. I wish her all the best for tomorrow's show! Loves =)

Btw, I'm going to be rather broke this week. I have my emergency savings but I don't want to use them. Mom, come back fast! I need my allowance. Haha. I'll be limiting myself to 10-15 bucks a day till she returns.

Ok, I'm going to look for food now. My stomach's being grouchy now -.- Haha. I'll update again later!

Keep yourselves warm.
It's getting cold again =)
Brrr.

But why did I cry then?
Because you love.

-------------------------

Everything - Michael Buble

It's just so hard you know?
Can I still rest my tired,
weary and weeping soul,
in your waiting arms?

No. That time is no more,
my chances are zilch.

It's a sunday. I spent the whole day at home. Exhausted from the hectic schedule of Saturday. It just feels so right to be at home. I missed the days when I could just hole up in my room with junk food, watch tv and best of all I had the latest installment of JK Rowling's Harry Potter & the Deathy Hallows. Thanks Dixon for helping me get the copy while I was at work.

Swimming's getting more horrid lately. Been pushing myself further ahead of the championships. I'm not confident enough though. I'm afraid. So many things on my mind. I'm being derailed. I'm losing focus? Where'd my confidence go? All that's left is my passion. I hope I can still achieve something. I want to win a medal.

Anyways, I want to dedicate a a chunk of today's entry to the unsung friends who have given me the warmth and comfort I needed whenever I was frostbitten. When you're so down and you really need someone, you finally see your friends really care for you. It doesn't matter if its just a pat on the back or even a H2H, it's just the thought that matters.

I think I'm contradicting myself from my last entry. Friends only give you advice, but I just realized that they also give you the comfort, trust and confidence to just journey on with your life, without, fear. That's why friendship does matter. I'm sorry if I've ever taken any of you guys for granted.

Cause i will really be here for you!
I feel nice being around you and having you this friend!
Mommy will always be there ok?
Just SMILE winston!
We're BFs forever ;)
You're my secret keeper, k?
BESTIE!!!
It's ok =] You've got me here. Right?
Guess what? i miss you...
etc.

Thank you.

To Mom and Dad. Thanks for being so understanding too and loving me.

Koon Han, we want you to know we love you very much and we will always be there for you... remember this, we are family and our love to you is unconditional.

To Grace, my very first someone , it's been a very long time since we really had a real conversation. I still remember the wonderful memories we had in the past but I'm so glad that we've become the bestest and most understanding of friends in recent times. Loves.

It's a new week tomorrow. OMG! I'll only be working two days next week and I'll be flying to Jakarta for my mom's fashion show next week with Serene & Levin. It's gonna be a grand affair. I really can't wait!

Oh, just a random thought. I'm going to really convince my mom to bring Krispy Kremes to Singapore. I've been bugging my mom to do so for so long but she just says that its not feasible enough. She claims that it'll only last as a fad and it would die, but after observing Donut Factory, I thought otherwise.

When my grand auntie brought Krispy Kremes to the region, it was all the rage and it still is now, naturally. It would seem stupid not to bring it into Singapore, but I never knew the reason why. One thought though, KK is rather unhealthy if you know what I mean and as more Singaporeans are being more health conscious, demand could be well limited. Donut Factory is much more healthier than KK.

And, I want to watch the SIMPSONS movie! No, not Jessica or Ashlee Simpson. But BART & MAGGIE Simpson! Haha. The trailer is bloody hilarious lar. You might as well get shot if you don't catch it. The King & I musical is also coming to town. I want to watch that too! Anyone interested to come along to watch with me? Haha.

Derek was just telling me that he was crazing for ham, and all of a sudden, I want ham too. I'm going to go down and get some ham and another mug of hot milo again! Haha.

Alright, everyone have a great week ahead then. I'm aiming to read at least half of Harry Potter before I sleep tonight! YAAAARGGHHHHH!!!

NIGHTS!!

You know, do you?
You were significant to me.
And you still are, today.

-------------------------

When You're Gone - Avril Lavigne

Simply said.
When you're gone.
I'll reminisce.
Thanks Avril.

Guess what? I'm going to rant out abit today. It just makes me feel better when I can just type what I want. And hey, if you guys really don't want to read it. Please don't. It's just my blog and I just like to pour out my unhappiness, I really hope you all understand. Thank you =) Here goes.

I've been rather edgy these few days. I have no idea why. I'm usually very patient and reserved when I deal with people and situations; however, in recent days, I've knowingly seen myself becoming more direct, impatient and I tend to say out whatever is in my mind without holding anything back. It's like being able to say YES! and NO! and not beating around the bush. Anything I dislike, I'll show my displeasure. I really don't know what's gotten into me.

Anyways, I know I will be a nusicance and you can just hate me if you guys want to. I don't care. Firstly, can some of you guys just bloody grow up and stop being so foolish or juvenile? Secondly, don't bitch about people. And lastly, please always remember to hold yourself with some dignity and self-respect.

I don't like people who grovel around with spastic superficial faces, looking for sympathy and go on about their sad miserable lives. Friends can ultimately only be there to provide advice and they won't always be there for you or so people claim. You are you and only you yourself can make the choice for your life, that is if you choose to!

Saturday was the annual Singapore Island Country Club (SICC) Charity Swimathon & Carnival. It's an annual event held by SICC's swimming community to help raise funds for the SICC May Day Charity to help the less fortunate.

SICC members and swimmers alike contributed by participating in the swimathon challenge by swimming in a race against time in the name of charity. I had intended to swim only 800M , about 16 laps cause I only slept four hours the night before and I didn't feel that energetic; however, eventually, I managed to accomplish 2KM, about 40 laps in the end. I thought it was quite fun la. I was more proud when I got my certificate of achievement. Hahaha.

Oh, I had to share my lane with a couple of other fellow swimmers, btw. It was damn funny to keep on looking at other people's asses. Imagine 30 minutes of ass ogling. So wrong!

Anyways, despite the rain, I had to say that everything, including the activities, stall and highlights at the pool was executed without any hitches and everything went tremendously well. Everyone was having loads of fun and I did enjoy myself too, although the food was over-priced la!

And, I bumped into Darren too. I didn't knew he was representing the NYP swim team cause they were invited down along with ACS, RGS & RP. The bloody slacker only swam 1KM. Hahaha.

The both of us sorta finished swimming at around 4 and we both had work at 5 in town, so we practically rushed through the changing room, meals and had a "hell of an adventure" getting our way to town and we weren't a minute late. I was 30 seconds early, FYI! Haha.

Work today was great and sales was damn brisk and it was one of those good days I have to say. The limited edition and the black and white brasil havaianas were flying off the shelves like hotcakes. But, like any other saturday and of course, after a swimathon, I was naturally VERY tired. Time really did creep by slowly and I was dozing off for a few moments =X

Oh talking about the limited edition havainas. Anyone interested better get it soon. If you wait any longer, they won't be on the shelves as early as next week and you won't have another chance to get yourselves a pair for quite a long while, so I urge interested customers to get them while stocks last. The Limited Eds come in Gold, Silver and Bronze =)

Left work Heeren at around 10 plus and walked over to Cine to find Darren. Cine branch was as busy as usual. I really hope I get posted to Cine or Vivo just for a day. It would just be damn fun la.

Worn out after a day of activites, I'm home now =) I really miss my bed, haha and I just plan to sleep on for the rest of the century! Anyways, its raining now and I'm going down to the kicthen to get me a glass of chilling ICE MILO! No la, probably a mug of warm hot milo. Just what I need to end this hectic day =)

Have a great sunday everyone!
;)

ps. i know, i find my blog music DAMN irritating. I'll get rid of it soon.

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Someday We'll Know - Mandy Moore & Jonathan Foreman

This is one of my favorite songs. I fell in love with it when Jane and Levin first sang this song to me. It's a very deep song, I feel. There's no MTV to this song so I have a video trailing Troy & Gabriella from High School Musical =)

The dust storm has settled, it seems.
Days of melancholy; my tears have desiccated.
I can walk, yet my grief makes me frail.

It’s been a long, arduous journey.
The chaos I started to edge out my anxiety.
I won my battle, but I guess I lost a war.

A handshake to proclaim peace,
Yet, an ego I just can’t swallow.
I brushed off my only chance,

I walked away.

Now, a hole gapes in my heart.
A fissure that I inflicted upon myself.
I’ve only got myself to blame.

Albeit the warm and compassionate environs,
Loneliness is my only companion.
A hollow soul, that’s what I am.

All I have now is time.
Let it heal, please.

It's been a while since I blogged my life.
I've had my happiest moments these months back.

So many wonderful friends that I love to pieces,
the only people that I can cling onto for happiness.

They're just simply my life =)
I love my clique.

Thank you.

Swimming again today. It's been a habit for me to swim everyday if I can, even when there's no training. My coach thinks I should just move in with the fishes. Haha. My worries just seem to disintegrate whenever I feel the soothing water. Just fifty laps a day and I feel so much better.

Oh, and a family of monkeys invaded the pool today. Haha. the baby monkeys were just so cute. Haha. But they stink, terribly. =X

A string of problems again these few days. I've been totally zoning out every now and then, just trying to evade from my miseries. I've never felt so low in my life. I just wish someone could understand my predicaments. But I'm selfish too I guess, I have to fend for myself too. I shouldn't wait for someone to carry me in his or her arms and tell me everything will be fine. This is the real world, and I'll face it.

Oh, and I've been crazy over polo tees. I'm going shopping soon. It's been a millenia since I really went on a shopping spree. Now, perhaps that will just elevate all my worries away. Besides, my wardrobe is getting rather lackluster. I need a makeover.

I finally got a job. Haha. As a New Urban Male Sales Ambassador. Stop saying its gay ok? Haha. It's really a fun company to work with. All my colleagues are like the most crazy bastards I've known, always ogling at girls non-stop and dancing to the song, thriller, immitating MJ. Anwyays, I'm really there to gain experience and know more friends. Money is secondary. Haha, at least people will stop mocking me as a rich kid who takes life for granted. Cause I don't, and I'm proving it to you guys, and myself too.

Anyways, sigh. I quarreled with my mom this morning. She insisted on my leaving the country again and this time I simply refused. She was so nice I think. She even booked first class tickets for us again. I felt so guilty and everything. I didn't even said goodbye to her. I really miss my mom. Everytime, I have troubles, I look for her. She's my friend and I'm her friend too. I know we're always be there for each other.

It's just that I'm seeing both of my parents lesser and lesser. Ever since my grandfather passed away a couple of weeks back, my dad took over as chairman and my mom needs to give my dad her 100% support. My parents are like flying everywhere now. I understand their duties and obligations because it's not a easy feat, but I just need them to be here with me, just for a minute.

Mom, If you read this, I just want to say I really love you and that I'm so sorry.

It's 8pm now. I don't know where everyone is. I guess I'll just wander about at orchard road again. I find it very comforting to walk alone, around orchard road. Haha. No rushing for this and that, no planning, no nothing. Just me and my lovely feet. I do what I want.

Everyone, have a great week ahead.
May the sun just shine all week long =)

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The fire dim; hope diminishing.
A breath of life was all it need,
Yet, I turned my back and murdered it.
I chose to save my air, I chose to save myself.

The candle's extinguished now; the flame gone forever.
My beacon of illumination, now darkness ensues.
I just realized, I’ve ruined everything.
I’ve ruined myself.

There’s no turning back,
Cause the past’s been blown clean by the wind.
Yet, the path still has to go on. A daunting one it now is.
A path where I’m blinded; no warm lights, no assurances.

I’ve lost my beacon of hope and love.
I’ve lost my everything,
Just because, I doubted.
In the end,...

… I only lost myself.

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